Wednesday, 20 February 2008


Sorry? What did you say? I missed that ...

I was thinking about my mother. I was thinking about the times she used to take me shopping as a little girl. We would walk down the street together, holding hands.

I feel strange. I'm hungry. How long is this session, anyway? Are we almost done? Would you like to get something to eat with me afterwards? I feel like a cheeseburger.

Wednesday, 13 February 2008


Feeling disgusted by objects around the house is a totally normal thing Caroline. Let me explain to you.

You are yourself, no one else, completely unique and immovable. There is nothing about you that is not personal to you and there is nothing about you that belongs to anyone else. You are yourself. However at the same time you are everyone else. You are part of the collective experience of all of us. You are nothing, totally lost and alone. These sexualised objects represent your cosmic labia; flapping against the power of the expectations of eroticism. Your fallopian tubes are full of the promise of unfulfilled conjecture, bursting with the fecund power of your female power.

In order to overcome the problems which you face, you must realise that your partner is dead. You must learn to eroticise the death of another in order to deal with your problems.

On the other hand I was lying to you. Frank is not dead, neither is Fred, nor is Terry or for that matter any of your other imaginary boyfriends. When did you become a liar Caroline?


I don't know how to feel about that. I just keep thinking of all those things he did -- the things he used when he did them -- and I feel sick. I feel like he's tainted our house. I can't use the turkey baster now, for instance. I'm down to about three pairs of socks which I've had to hide under the mattress. I've thrown away six packets of dental floss. There is only one chair in the living room that I still feel comfortable sitting on.

I still love him, of course, but I feel so sad too. I feel like our relationship can't continue if he carries on this way.

Wait a minute, did you just say he was dead?

Tuesday, 5 February 2008


Caroline, seeing Frank as a giant Phallus is totally normal, that is totally normal. Don't worry about seeing Frank as a phallus. Frank told me that you hadn't been speaking this past week. I think that has something to do with me. I tried to address the problem of Frank's compulsive masturbation by keeping him inside of my cupboard for the whole week. He has had no food, no drink and no human contact for a week. My treatment has been a success however, Frank no longer compusively self stimulates. Frank is dead Caroline. How does that make you feel?